These are a couple of articles from a reputable news source about a crisis that is happening in the South San Francisco Bay Area.

Vicious Goat Warning!!!

To South bay Area residents:

This memo is to alert south bay area residents of the terrifying events that have taken place over the last several weeks. There is evidently a wandering gang of vicious goats terrorizing fearful residents.

The goat gangs consists of about 10-20 individual goats. Most of the goats are white and tan colored, and one goat is rumored to have red eyes. He may be the leader of the gang, but this has not yet been confirmed.

Several of the goat gang attacks have taken place in grocery store parking lots. The goats are attracted to the smell of food, and have been known to knock down customers and run off with the grocery bags. The goats are evidently able to pair together to carry off the heavier bags. Several people have been taken to local hospitals for treatment. Most injuries have been minor, but in one particularly vicious attack, a Mountain View woman received a concussion. She was hospitalized for a couple of weeks.

Some of the goats have been reported to break into houses while the owners are asleep. The goats have stolen a lot of food, and several DVD playes Plasma large screen televisions. It is unknown how the goats are transporting the television sets. There is a possibility that these may be mutant goats. Normal domesticated goats would not be capable of moving such appliances., let alone be able to plug them into an outlet.

Santa Clara Chief of Police Andrew Monroe has not yet released an official statement, but sources close to the chief say that he is rather distressed over the whole ordeal. The local police are not prepared for this kind of crime. The California State Attorney has release a preliminary statement stating that they plan to investigate how this band of mutant goats came about. It is not known if any local genetic engineering firms have been trying to create any super goats.

The first report of a vicious goat came on August 24. The goat was seen in the parking lot of a Albertson's grocery store on El Camino Real in Sunnyvale. A man approached the hungry goat, and gave it some pistachio nuts. The goat became agitated when the man stopped feeding it. The goat rammed the customer to the ground and galloped away with the nuts. Some pistachio nut shells were later discovered in a nearby park. The large amount of goat hoof prints revealed that there must have been at least 8 goats in the park.

The number of goat sightings reported since then have been on the increase. At around 2 am on September 5, a Sunnyvale police officer sighted a herd of about 15 goats in a school playground. They had rigged up a portable television set, and were watching late night movies. When the officer approached the goats, they scrambled away into the darkness. Sunnyvale police would not release any information regarding what movie the goat herd was watching.

Goat groups have been reported at least 2 or 3 times a week, from South San Jose to Palo Alto. It is suspected that there might be as many as 80-100 goats, in groups of 10 to 20.

The Santa Clara Humane Society is concerned that this uproar may cause innocent law abiding goats to be mistaken for the vicious mutant goats. Goat owners are asked to keep there goats indoors until the vicious goats can be captured and the mystery solved. One humane society worker has also suggested that goats be kept from watching television, just to be on the safe side.

If anyone spots a potentially vicious goat, they are warned not to try to apprehend the goat themselves. The goats can be extremely dangerous when cornered or frightened.. Contact the police immediately.

Goat attacks are not totally unheard of. Some reports date back as far back as 1000 B.C.. Some of these goat attacks involved as many as 2000-3000 goats, and have cost hundreds of human and goat lives. In recent years, archeologists have discovered buried goat bone pits around the world. Some of the pits contained the remains of several hundred goats. Natural causes for this phenomena are not known. There has never been a credible explanation for these goat bone pits.

Theories about TV violence and genetic mutations can not explain the discoveries of the goat bone pits, and the behavior that would have led to such strange behavior. Neither has there been many satisfactory theories to explain the recent goat horrors. .Some scientists believe that the attacks that happened before modern times are probably greatly exaggerated, and insinuated that even some of the more recent reports may also be overstated.

Try to tell this to 47 year old Mrs. Martha Winwood of Mountain View. She suffered a serious concussion when several goats confronted her in a 7-Eleven parking lot late one night. She had gone to the store to buy a bag of sunflower seeds. When she had not returned home after a couple of hours, her husband Dave got concerned. He drove to the 7-Eleven to ask the cashier if he had seen his wife. The cashier remembered Martha , and said that she had left about 2 hours earlier. As Dave was returning to his car, he heard a moaning sound coming from behind the 7-Eleven dumpster. When he approached the sound, he discovered his wife laying on the ground, to weak to stand up. She later told reporters that a goat lured her to the dark area behind the 7-Eleven, where several other goats were waiting. The goats immediately pounced for the bag of sunflower seeds, knocking poor Martha against the dumpster, causing her concussion. Even though she will recover, Martha says that this event has permanently scarred her. She has become very reclusive and now has an uncontrollable fear of all animals. She even insisted that her children get rid of their pet hamsters and guinea pigs. Needless to say, the goat attack has severely changed her and her families life.

Several goats have been killed by police officers. Medical examinations of the goat cadavers have not provided any clues as to the cause of the goat dementia.

The Jones Reproduction Clinic in New Hampshire, Maryland has been experimenting with goat embryos for several years. They have managed to grow complete goat embryos outside of the womb. There exists a possibility that these scientists may have been performing genetic experimentation on these goat embryos. Some scientists are concerned that these mutated goats have somehow been introduced into the general goat population. The repercussions of this are mind boggling. The Jones Clinic has refused to comment.